Noah Kahan tweeted hours before last night’s (Tuesday) show in Tampa, Florida that he planned to perform ‘’something special for [World] Mental Health Day tonight’’ that he ‘’likely won’t ever play again.’’
It turned out to be ‘’Shape of My Shadow,’ a song he’d performed on TikTok and Instagram Live, but never in a concert setting. In his intro to the TikTok performance he described it as being “about body dysmorphia and eating disorders, which I struggle with.’’
This morning (Wednesday), Kahan posted an essay he's written for Time magazine as part of the Time 100: Voices series titled ''Putting Words to My Mental Health Struggles Saved Me.''
He writes that for much of [his] childhood he hid his ''flaws, insecurities and fear," but that once he finally realized he was dealing with anxiety and depression, it allowed him to ''look at these painful, scary feelings of doubt, fear, shame and depersonalization as symptoms of a studied problem, instead of defects of [his] soul."
He tells how he struggled with these issues -- which were heightened by the uncertainty and instability of his chosen line of work -- and kept putting off dealing with them or not sticking with therapy when he finally went. He says he was ''writing songs about navigating depression and anxiety, yet was absolutely clueless as to how to manage'' his own.
He explains how the pandemic in 2020 turned out to be a blessing in disguise for him, by forcing him off the road and enabling him to return to therapy and resume taking medication. He concludes, ''Dedicating my craft to opening up about my mental health has provided me with an arsenal to live a meaningful life, and to not be defined by the chemicals in my brain.''